How to Have a Threesome

So, you’re thinking about a threesome? Great news – threesomes can be super rewarding and a great way to explore different sexual experiences. However, if you, or you and your partner are thinking about introducing an additional person, there are a number of things you should consider first. From planning a threesome to what to do when the three of you are between the sheets, our guide tells you everything you need to know to have a thrilling three-way.

What is a Threesome?

A threesome is three people having sex with each other. Often, this can be a couple introducing a third person into the bedroom, although threesomes between single people definitely can and do occur. There are no set rules – threesomes can be any combination of genders, and any number of sex acts, from oral and stroking through to vaginal or anal sex.

How to Prepare for a Threesome

Despite the sexy experience and physical reward, adding a third player can be an emotional minefield. If you’re considering arranging a threesome for you and a partner, make sure you think about the below considerations to ensure you have a safe and satisfying menage a trois.

How to Tell Your Partner You Want a Threesome

Tell your partner you want a threesome in a gentle, slow and steady way. It can be difficult to predict how someone will react to the suggestion of bringing a third party into the bedroom, so try to gauge your partner's feelings about threesomes before rushing in and trying to make plans.

As with anything sex related, an open discussion is a must. Bring up the topic of threesomes when you’re both comfortable and can talk freely. Ask your partner if they’ve ever had a threesome in the past or if they would ever consider one in the future, rather than diving in straight away asking them to have one with you. Start slowly and carefully and then, based on their levels of enthusiasm, you can gradually express your interest in organising a threesome together.

Will a Threesome Impact Your Current Relationship?

A threesome has the potential to impact your current relationship, but only if you both want different things. You should never have a threesome unless you’re both sure that it’s something that you want to do. If your partner isn’t sold, talking or pressuring them into introducing someone new is a recipe for disaster, so make sure it’s something that you both want in equal measure.

Jealousy is something you really need to take into consideration before introducing a third player to the bedroom. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing their partner, so take all possibilities into account. You may both be comfortable with the situation in principle, but what would you do if you or your partner became uncomfortable during the session? Cover off all the possibilities to ensure it all doesn’t go pear-shaped when you get down to it.

How to Arrange a Threesome

To arrange a threesome when you’re in a relationship you’ll first need to find a third member. But, if you’re single then of course you need to find a couple that are happy to let you in. Each of you will then need to meet as a group to ensure you’re all happy with what’s going to happen. If you’re in a relationship, finding a third member that you’re both attracted to and who is attracted to you both may be harder than anticipated. Agree together on who your new partner should be, talk about every detail – what will their gender be, and their sexuality?

If you’re single, these are all still the things you need to be thinking about before beginning your search.

How to find people for a threesome

So where will you find the new lover? If you’re going online, make sure you do this activity together. Take extra precautions when meeting people online – make sure they’re who they say they are, set very clear boundaries and meet in a public place first to make sure you’re all happy with the arrangement.

If you’re going to be sleeping with someone you already know, think hard about how you’ll feel when you see them again. Discuss whether this is a one-off or if there is scope for it to happen again. Laying all this out before you begin your journey makes for less tension and bumps along the way.

Set Expectations and Boundaries

Threesomes work differently for every person and couple. If you’re doing this with your partner, you may want them to focus their attention on you, but you may also get off on watching your significant other sleeping with someone else.

The key here is to be very clear on what you consider to be okay and what isn’t. If you’re single, make sure you understand what it is you want from the threesome, and if you’re in a relationship, creating a tick list and going through it together is a great way to set you’re your boundaries. Do you want to be involved in a threesome if it’s very much all about the couple or would you prefer more attention on you? Would you want your partner to kiss the third player or have full intercourse with them?

Talk about positions and scenarios and be sure to communicate these as a group before the threesome takes place. You should also set up a safe word, so anyone involved can opt-out if they feel uncomfortable.

And most importantly if you’re in a relationship, if either you or your partner want to stop at any point, everyone should stop.

By establishing some really firm and clear boundaries you’re more likely to have a safe and enjoyable threesome.

Be Prepared With Protection

It’s important to think about protection before having a threesome. Have a frank discussion about sexual health with any new partners to make sure you’re all being safe.

If you’re using condoms and planning penetration with multiple partners, be sure to change or remove the condom before switching partner.

If you’re playing with toys together, these all need to be wrapped too in order to keep everyone safe. Think carefully about every eventuality and be sure to have everything you need to have safe sex.

How Does a Threesome Work?

Threesomes work differently for different people, so there are no set rules on how they should work for you. Play around with stroking, oral and penetration, and just go with whatever feels good at the time. Pay attention to body language and use subtle motions to direct your partners however you like.

The most important thing is to keep everyone involved – if it starts to feel like one person is being left out, just reach over and play with them to bring them back into the action.