Scotty Unfamous

Shakira ‘Scotty Unfamous’ Scott is the inappropriately fancy, London based multi award-winning erotic romance author and your new fave Sexfluencer.

Scotty Unfamous became an influencer and blogger to help women of colour explore and remove the stigma around their sexuality, educate them in the art of sensuality and promote and inspire self-love and body confidence.

What is virtual sex and how does it work?

Virtual sex is like the modernised multi-media equivalent of sending your lover a lusty love letter and is something many of us have done, to some degree. It encompasses a variety of erotic activities that you can engage in with a partner(s) via digital communication platforms and is a creative way to get each other (or yourself) off when your lover is not in reach, that also helps with supporting your emotional connections, similarly to the way you experience these things in-person.

What are the different forms of virtual sex, such as virtual reality (VR) sex, phone sex, and sexting?

Forms of virtual sex include things like sexting and cybersex (sending spicy messages), phone sex (making spicy phone calls), sending nudes and erotic videos, heated video chats with mutual masturbation via your phones or online chatrooms, interactive pornography or watching porn remotely with a partner, long-distance partnered play with sex toys or app-controlled sex tech, or virtual reality sex where users use a VR headset paired with other intimate equipment to experience sexual stimulation with their lovers (or even fictional ones).

What are the benefits of engaging in virtual sex?

For those who aren’t familiar with it, the idea of engaging in virtual sex can be daunting, but it has so many benefits that can enhance your intimate experiences both on and offline. Virtual sex harnesses one of the things that I encourage the most, if you want to improve your sex life -the power of communication! Communication allows you to learn each other’s likes and dislikes before doing the deed and is a great tool to help you explore and discover things that get you aroused. Some people may struggle to communicate their needs and desires when in-person, but as virtual sex relies on speaking to your partner, it can facilitate making communicating easier for you.

I often explain to people that arousal begins in the mind and sometimes during physical encounters, that mental build up can be overlooked. The inability to rely on physical touch and other in-person stimulants means that you and your partner must get creative. Virtual sex hinges on mental stimulation so it encourages those involved to truly engage in turning each other on to achieve sexual gratification.

One of the more obvious but overlooked perks is that the absence of physical interaction means that virtual sex is the safest sex you can have because there is no risk of catching STIs or any unwanted pregnancy. For those of you in long distance relationships, or if you simply can’t physically engage with your partner at that moment in time, virtual sex is your best friend as it can help to bridge the intimacy gap until you can be together in-person. It’s convenient, it can be done from anywhere in the world (with anyone in the world), it gives you a safe space to explore fantasies that may not want to act out in-person and is accessible to people of all abilities.

How can individuals maintain healthy boundaries and communication during virtual sex?

When engaging in virtual sex, I recommend doing it with someone that you trust, but if you do choose to do it with someone you’re unfamiliar with, take steps to protecting your identity by using encrypted platforms and keeping your face an any other defining features hidden. Unfortunately, privacy is not a guarantee in the digital world; people may save your messages, share content you’ve sent or screenshot/screen record you, so make sure you are looking out for yourself. Setting boundaries when partaking in virtual sex is paramount. Have a conversation to let each other know what is and isn’t okay. As with irl sessions, enthusiastic consent is important. Even if it feels awkward and unsexy to do this, speak to your partner about who is allowed to view things, who is allowed in the room, if there are any words or phrases either of you are uncomfortable with, if content can be saved for later viewing and what you’re both willing to engage in.

When it comes to communication, obtaining and maintaining consent is up there as one of the things you should both prioritise. Ask each other direct, clear questions about what you both want and speaking about your expectations from the session and be sure to check in with each other. If there is anything you feel uncomfortable with doing, make it known and know that it is okay to say no, no matter how much your partner wants you to do something. If your yes isn’t enthusiastic, that is coercion and coercion is a form of abuse. This is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. It’s also good to employ a safe word, in which if you need to pause or stop play for any reason, you have a discreet word that either one of you can use to do so, for example, mine is ‘Rainbow’.

What are some tips for enhancing the experience of virtual sex? (could we push Ann Summers sex toys here?)

There are a few ways that you can enhance the virtual sex experience. My first tip would be to go slowly. If it is something that one of you isn’t used to, I recommend following that person’s pace. It can be easy to want to rush ahead and ‘skip to the good part’, but just as with in-person sex, some people need warming up first to truly enjoy the experience (and to be honest, a longer build up can be even hotter because of the anticipation). Think about your surroundings and the vibe that you’re setting during this session. Experiment with things like sound by putting on music that makes you feels sexy, how your body is adorned (clothing or lingerie), lighting (a colour changing bulb or candles to make it more sensual).

Get your lover to engage in the process before the virtual sex takes place, e.g., they pick an outfit for you to wear and you can send a teaser photo ahead of time, or something even more fun like them ordering a toy for you to use during the event, to build anticipation.

Toys can make a huge difference to your experience as they add to the simulated stimulation if what you and your lover are re-enacting, from app-controlled toys that your partner can control from anywhere in the world, to you controlling the sensations in-line with what you are describing to each other. For example, if your partner is speaking about performing oral sex on you or even some advanced finger action the Ann Summers Moregasm+ Wave Rabbit Ears replicates those sensations with its ‘U’ shaped slot with rotating and vibrating fingers that you can use on the tip for lighter stimulation or slot your clitoris between for something more intense. If you want to simulate riding your partner, or something that is handsfree that allows you to stay engaged in the communication, a remote-controlled grinding toy is perfect for this. I recommend the Niya N5 The Multi-Choice Intimate Massager, vibrating pad which you can place on a chair and sit atop of, or place on a bed or cushion and lay against, then grind away to your hearts content with a remote control that allows you to control the dual motors. It also doubles as a male masturbator with internal ridges so you and your partner can twin with it. If the session calls for penetration, the Rampant Rabbit Luxury Metal Rabbit vibrator will cover that. It’s a dual-stimulation toy with a cool, weighted steel shaft that warms to your body, great for those of you who struggle with achieving climax through penetrative stimulation alone, as the external clitoral vibrator is there to give you that boost you need to achieve a powerful blended orgasm.

Bonus mention for lube! Lube is always welcome in the bedroom as an enhancer both aesthetically and physically. It’s not always a necessity but I guarantee you no session has been made worse because of it.