How to Stimulate the Clitoris: My Journey to Self-Discovery

At Ann Summers, we try to offer lots of advice to help you have better sex and get to know your body. We also know that real experiences from real people are important to share, which is why we’re sharing this story about discovering the clitoris and how to up your pleasure game.

Discovering My Vagina: What Does the Clitoris Do for Me?

At 33, I’m getting to know my clitoris and finding new ways to orgasm, here’s my story…

There are many medics in my family, so we’re open about medical stuff. I remember my dad talking about condoms – I got really embarrassed, but he was OK talking about it – and my sister showing me a book of STDs with pictures. Masturbation wasn’t something that I spoke about with my mates, but my sister once said, ‘You know you can touch yourself – it's OK.’ After that, maybe because I had her approval, I was like, ‘OK, that’s normal.’

Growing up, I never really thought about my vagina. I never really looked at it. I knew what felt good and what didn’t. But even though I felt very comfortable masturbating, that’s different to stating what you want in the bedroom. I realised when I went to university that I didn’t really know how to interact with men. That understanding came about because of my sexual experiences. I guess I didn’t really know what I wanted. I’ve tended to attract men that are dominant and assertive – I would always let the guy take the lead.

Where is the Clitoris? It All Depends on Your Body…

When I was at school, nobody said there might be variations between vaginas and vulvas – we were just given a stock picture. I’ve since realised they don’t all look like that. One ex really liked to go down on me. It felt pleasurable, but it had never made me orgasm. One day, he was like, ‘I think you have a hidden clitoris. There’s a hood. ‘I didn't know what he meant. I googled it and found maybe two articles from other women. It was like, ‘How can I not know this about myself?’ For me, what I have down there is normal. I didn’t think about whether it’s hooded or not. It suddenly it made a lot of sense – he couldn’t understand why he couldn't make me orgasm, then he figured it out.

I was left with this piece of knowledge: most clitorises are hooded to some extent, but some clitorises are more hooded than others – these are sometimes called ‘hidden’ clitorises or ‘embedded’ clitorises. It was helpful to finally realise that, but there was no manual on how to deal with it.

Not Everyone Knows How to Stimulate the Clitoris

I realised in my current relationship that it needs someone who has that magic touch. With my boyfriend, the reason he’s different to other guys is that he’s a real giver – he finds it pleasurable to give pleasure. On our first proper date, we were lying on a sofa and he was kissing me and touching me. Then I remember it was like his hand just connected with my clitoris in a way that no one else ever had. I thought, ‘I need to see what he gets up to.’

He managed to make me orgasm with his hands. I was really impressed because he didn’t know what he now knows – that I have this hidden clitoris. He was basically massaging me through my clothes; he couldn’t see anything. He seemed to really know what he was doing. I was kind of in shock. That experience really opened my eyes, because no other partner has been able to do that before.

Now, we do other things, but I would say that’s probably our favourite move. He loves to do that and says it makes him happy.

Building a Healthy Sexual Relationship

I’ve learnt I just need to be with someone who is patient, who has that soft touch, is good with their hands and who’s not daunted by my hidden clitoris. My boyfriend isn’t remotely bothered; he thinks it’s a quirk.

The way I’ve always orgasmed in previous relationships is through penetration and using a sex toy. That gives me really mind-blowing orgasms. We haven’t done that yet because I want to focus on foreplay. This relationship is a different pace – a different approach. It feels more tantric.