Let’s Talk Love Language

What is love language? Well, whether its adoring or encouraging words, gentle touches or heartfelt gifts that stir your pot, your love language defines how you both give and like to receive love.

We are all different, so it’s not unusual to discover that your love language and that of your partner aren’t the same, and that’s totally fine – you just need to find that middle ground so the two of you are giving and receiving love in a way that makes you feel fulfilled. Read on to discover why our love languages are so important, what they say about us and why we need to pay attention to our partners love language.

What are the Love Languages?

There are 5 different love languages and if you have been pondering the question ‘what is my love language’ - read below to see which one best describes how you love to be loved.

1. Words of affirmation

Actions speak louder than words? Not if words of affirmation are your love language! For people whose love language is words of affirmation, there is nothing lovelier than a long heartfelt text message or beautifully written card. An “I love you so much” out of the blue whilst watching a movie can make their whole week as kind and loving words make them feel truly special, appreciated, and understood.

2. Quality time

We all want our partners to want to spend time with us, of course! But if quality time is your love language, it’s vital. It doesn’t necessarily matter what you do, it’s about setting that time aside to be with one another.

If your love language is quality time, you will hate it when your other half goes on their phone during a date or a conversation, you want their undivided attention during the time you are together (fair enough) so that you can truly connect with one another. Eye contact and active listening play an important role in making quality time meaningful, and if your love language is spending time with one another, you will likely want to do this without the distraction of TV, social media or other people getting in the way! This doesn’t necessarily mean sitting in a room and focusing on nothing but one another whilst have an eye-contact heavy conversation, it just means doing things together whether they are fun, romantic, or relaxing.

3. Acts of service

A cup of tea when you wake up in the morning, dinner made when you come home from work, the lawn freshly mown, ahhh yes, now we’re talking. Acts of service are important in any relationship, but if this is your love language, it means more than just having a clean house or a nice meal. To you, these acts of service say, “I love you and I want to make you happy.” You see great value in a partner who goes above and beyond to simply make your life easier.

For those whose love language is acts of service, actions undoubtedly speak louder than words. Don’t say, just do!

4. Gifting

Nowhere near as materialistic as it may sounds, if you speak the gift love language you just love to know your other half is thinking of you when they aren’t with you. They don’t have to buy you a Rolex to make you feel loved, it’s the thought that counts (though we certainly wouldn’t knock back a Rolex, obvs). Gifts are visual symbols of love, and the gift itself can also show you how well they know you and symbolise their love for you.

What a wonderful thought that the one you love is out shopping and thinks to buy you something nice ‘just because’. It shows that you are always in their mind, and they want to make you smile. To be honest, we can’t imagine why gifts aren’t everyone’s love language, or at least a close second to our personal fave which is coming up next!

5. Physical touch

If your love language is physical touch, you will get that lovely warm and fuzzy feeling when your chosen one plants a kiss on you, pops an arm around you or brings you in for a big bear hug. You love cuddling up or having your hair or skin gently stroked whilst you watch TV and kisses, even those that don’t lead you straight to the bedroom, are special to you. Additionally, sex and intimacy are a really important part of your relationship. You couldn’t imagine the type of relationship where you’re friends above all else and you wouldn’t settle into life with someone you loved but didn’t want to be intimate with. Whereas for those whose love language is acts of service, a relationship built on friendship and trust is more important than having that physical pull and desire towards their spouse.

If physical touch is your love language, your childhood may have something to do with it. If your family were particularly tactile, always showing love and affection with physical touch, you will take that with you into adulthood. Physical touch and loving contact from a person you love, be it a parent, grandparents, aunts or uncles, releases feel good hormones such as serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. If you have grown up with these feelings, then it makes sense you will continue to want them as you reach adulthood. You may also crave physical touch if you went without as a youngster, it is human nature to crave physical affection.

Speaking the Language of Love with Your Other Half

What happens if your love language and that of your other half don’t marry (so to speak)? We tend to give love in the way we wish to receive it back. So, if your love language is physical touch, you are likely to be very touchy-feely with your other half, and if they don’t reciprocate, you may be left feeling a little unloved. Likewise, if their love language is acts of service, they may feel undervalued if you don’t take the bins out or empty the dishwasher.

service, they may feel undervalued if you don’t take the bins out or empty the dishwasher. If you and your partner speak different love languages, try to focus on the things they do to make your life happier and easier, or to make you feel special. Emptying the dishwasher may be their version of an arm around the shoulder and a kiss on the top of the head. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you; it just means they speak a different love language to you. However, when you find someone who speaks the same love language as you do, it can create something incredibly special where both partners feel understood and adored.

Can You Have More Than One Love Language?

You probably enjoy a mix of all the love languages, but you will notice your more dominant one shining through. Your love language might be words of affirmation but when your partner buys you a gift out of nowhere it makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Or you might appreciate simple quality time but when they grab you and pull you in for a passionate kiss while you’re cooking dinner, your heart skips a beat. Little bits of each of the love languages make a relationship work and make both of you feel special.

The best love language is simply being seen and understood. So, if you’re not sure what love language your partner speaks, ask them what makes them happy and equally importantly, what doesn’t! Even if you don’t speak the same love language, if they love you the way you want to be loved and vice versa, you’ll find yourselves speaking without words and enjoying a happy, fulfilling relationship.