Why can’t I orgasm during sex?

When we gathered your questions on sex, we wanted to get you the best answers. So we teamed up with qualified Sex and Relationship Therapist, Jodie Slee, to reply to your top orgasm questions…

“I can make myself orgasm from masturbating so quickly, but I can never orgasm during sex. Help!”

Jodie Says:

“Penetrative sex is one of the least reliable ways for a woman to have an orgasm! Masturbation can help to you find what works best for you and you can bring that into sex with a partner – whether it’s a hand technique or a toy, oral, or a position that allows you to have the necessary clitoral stimulation.

We also need to talk about foreplay here – men in the UK are actually some of the best in the world, spending an average of 18 minutes on it. However – some women need up to 44 minutes of foreplay! So before assuming you ‘can’t’ orgasm from penetrative sex, ask yourself if you’re being given the chance to get warmed up in the first place…

“Asking for more foreplay might sound like a difficult thing to do, but any good relationship is based on communication – so talk about the things you like, encourage your partner to do more of the things that get you in the mood, and be firm enough to say if you’re not ready. Any partner worth being with will listen to you.

“Anxiety can also play a big part in your ability to climax, so make sure you’re relaxed enough to enjoy it. Talk about any worries you have beforehand and try not to focus so much on the orgasm itself. The journey there can be just as much fun! The Tantric Sex Guide can tell you more about living in the moment and not measuring sex based on whether you came or not.

“Medication is another reason that people might find it hard to have an orgasm, in fact, some anti-depressants are actually prescribed to help with premature ejaculation”