Snooks' Tips on Overcoming Lack of Sex Drive

Kate Snooks is an award nominated London-based dating, fashion and lifestyle vlogger who talks openly and honestly about important topics that many shy away from – from sex, to periods; she wants to empower women to love themselves and their bodies!

Nod your head if you’ve ever been in a very happy relationship, felt utterly in love and attracted to your partner but at the same time, had absolutely ZERO interest in getting jiggy with them in the bedroom... (you can’t see me but I’m nodding my head like the Churchill dog right now!)

I’m assuming you’ve experienced this before (unless you’re one of the lucky ones who have a super high sex drive all the time) and judging by the amount of private DM’s I get about this subject, I think this is something that everyone is going to experience at least once in their lives.

‘I’ve completely lost my libido, what do I do?’ ‘I love my boyfriend but really can’t be bothered to have sex with him” and ‘My sex drive has completely vanished, what’s wrong with me?” are all questions I get on the daily over on Instagram and the first thing I’d like to tell you is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! But I know how frustrating and worrying it can be, so I’ve put together a bunch of my top tips for overcoming lack of sex drive here!

Seriously, understand that it’s not you! There can be SO many reasons why your sex drive has taken a battering – anything from the time of year, the medication you’re on, mental health, your hormonal cycle and even stress can hugely determine your horniness from one week to the next. But you need to stop putting pressure on yourself to change or snap out of it quickly, because that could be adding even more stress which is going to turn you off even more.

Talk about it! It is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about and by communicating your concerns with your partner, you’ll grow a stronger emotional connection with can even lead to better sex. You’ll probably even be surprised to learn that they, too, have been through something similar to this in the past!

Touch! I think a really great idea is to re-learn your or your partners body in a non-sexual capacity. Close the blinds, light some candles and just touch. Touch yourself and them, take it slow and re-learn what feels good for you. By removing the pressure to make it sexual, you’ll stop worrying about ‘the act’ and instead just feel present in the moment and take in new sensations.

Treat yourself. I know one way to immediately boost my libido is to treat myself to a new sex toy or a new piece of lingerie. I will literally hop onto the Ann Summers website and order something that makes me excited again – never underestimate the power of a good vibrator to really kick start your sex drive back into action. Similarly, with underwear, once I try it on and really take in my body in the mirror, I start to appreciate my body (and vulva) for how beautiful they are which in turn, turns me on.

If body image is the reason your libido is low, exercise can really help with that. Not only will moving your body lift your mood with endorphins but it’ll also improve how you see yourself too.

Try and find new ways of dealing with stress – I always find writing my worries down on paper really helps to get them off my mind and also getting a good night’s sleep every evening is the best way for me to lower my stress levels (and it also means you won’t be too exhausted to get intimate the following evening!).

I really hope these tips help – please know that I have been there and know how hard it can be. The most important thing is to not put pressure on yourself and to instead spend more time focusing and nurturing your relationship with either your partner, or your body.

Also I’d like to point you in the direction of the Ann Summers Help & Advice page where they have tons of guides from sex positions, lingerie, sex toys and even sexual wellbeing (including a guide to increasing your sex drive) – they have a huge range of advice and products to suit for so many topics and their sales advisors are some of the kindest, most caring people I’ve met!

I also would like to say, for those of you reading this who have a partner who has lost their sex drive, there are some things you can do to support; be there for them and listen to their concerns openly without bitterness. Know that it has nothing to do with you and your attractiveness and that sometimes, sadly, we just go through stages like this! Try and compliment your partner and hold back from initiating sex for a while – give them space to recharge and also focus on yourself and things that make you happy in the meantime!