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Sexting, FaceTime Sex and Phone Sex Tips
Life has a nasty habit of getting in the way of us seeing our partner. But why should that stop us from having sex with them? Yes, you heard us – if you have hands, a phone (and maybe some toys too), then there’s no need to cut the sexual side out of your relationship.
And, while we’re here, it doesn’t have to stop us having a date either. Take a look at our guide to virtual dating for some of our favourite ideas.
So, if you haven’t had phone sex before, or you want to brush up on your skills, here are our top tips…
How to have phone sex
First things first – phone sex, FaceTime sex and sexting are just the same as physical sex in that they require trust, communication and consent. Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, or ask anyone to do something you don’t know for sure they’re comfortable with.
If you trust the person with your personal desires or fantasies, possibly photos or videos – and you know for sure they’re safe, then go for it.
Sexting ideas
It could get awkward if one of you suddenly launches into sexy chat without warning, so build up to it. If you’re thinking you might have phone sex later, start with some sexy texts during the day to test the waters and get their mind racing. Maybe getting an idea of the best time for both of you to be free without interruption.
To prepare yourself:
- Make sure your phone (or toys!) are charged
- Tidy your room if it’ll be seen
- Get the lighting right if you’re going to see each other on video or photos
- Slip into something that gets you in the mood. 'Course you can do this in your sweatpants over the phone and they’d never know, but there's something about wearing a sexy chemise or some gorgeous lingerie can make a big difference to your mood
- Light a candle with sensual scents, like bergamot
How to talk dirty over the phone
Ok, so this is entirely personal to you and your relationship – you might tend to joke about things or let the conversation stray into more flirty or cheeky realms. Or you might dive straight in. As long as you’re both happy, go for it – just do what feels right.
If this is your first time, or your first time with this partner, think about the words you might use. Something that’s a big turn off to someone else – it’s a very personal thing.
Pay attention to what they say
...In normal life as well as during intimate moments. And if you’re ok with that, mirror it back to them as it gives you an accurate idea of the words they’re comfortable with. You can ask them to describe things too. For example, simply asking ‘what would you like me to do to you?’ gives them free rein to use words to describe parts of their body, which you can then use when you say what you’d like to do to them. In exactly the same way, you can set the tone by describing what you’d like them to do to you, making it clear that you like to use certain words.
Remember your English lessons?
Sometimes they benefit us in ways least expected. So, it’s time to brush up on your adjectives. They allow you to describe things in detail, and what’s more is that you can use more than one at a time, such as ‘my hot, wet, smooth…’ (you get the gist). But remember this is another very personal choice - also as the conversation gets hotter your words may get more and more graphic. Think about all your senses and use your words to describe everything you’re feeling, touching, tasting, smelling, hearing… make it as immersive as you can for them, as if they’re really there with you.
Think about your ‘script’
Spend the day thinking about your sexual fantasies and describe them to yourself – how will you say it when you do talk to each other? Having these fresh in your mind can help things flow better when you’re having phone sex or FaceTime sex, rather than going blank.You can also share these thoughts with your partner throughout the day in the form of sexting.
Be clear
Topic getting uncomfortable? If something is going in a direction that you’re not happy with, speaking up is just as important as it is during physical sex. You can steer the conversation away to something you’re more comfortable with. Try saying something the lines of ‘you know what I’d rather do…?’ or ‘I’m not ok with that, can we talk about something else, like…?’. Ultimately you have control here and, as we’ve said before, consent is still just as relevant here.
Introduce sex toys
Sex toys are just as good for independent play as they are for couples, and our range of virtual sex toys makes long distance phone sex all the more pleasurable. From discreet bullet vibrators to a remote-control couple's vibrator, let your partner control your pleasure using an app during phone sex or FaceTime sex.
Don’t fake it
Yes, it’s easier to do on the phone, but we wouldn’t recommend it… Just like during physical sex, you won’t always have an orgasm at the same time, or at all. And that’s ok! Whoever comes first can really focus on getting the other one there.
WARNING: Remember that rush of serotonin after an orgasm CAN make people (both men and women) sleepy though – so be prepared to stay awake, maybe with a cold drink, sitting up in bed or opening a window. Being caught snoring when having phone sex is just as much a faux pas as it is when they’re next to you…
And talk about it
Take some time to reflect after the event, and make sure you talk about it as a couple. It doesn’t have to feel like a formal debrief, but it’s good to say something like ‘last night was fun, I really liked…’ or ‘You know what I’d love next time…?
What were your favourite parts?
What might you do differently next time?
Are there any boundaries you want to put in place?
And – hopefully – when are we doing it again??
From dirty text messages to phone sex. Each one of us will do this differently, so make sure you take time to align with your partner, only do things you’re comfortable with and most importantly - have fun! You’ll get better at it every time you do it, so if you have time on your hands…have fun!
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